Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

The League of the Living Dead

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I noticed a little pink when brushing and my dentist said it was gingivitis. I later noticed some festering boils and rotting flesh on my chest and abdomen and my doctor said it was Taco Bell. During these consultations, I was almost overwhelmed by the beautiful aroma of their brains which smelled a lot like vanilla. Is there something I should know?
-Rob


Dear Rob,
Welcome to The League, my friend. Your union contract and our standard "Disorientation Package" has been sent to you by messenger and it should arrive momentarily. Everything you will henceforth need to know is contained therein. Please read it carefully. In it you will find all the rules necessary to successfully embark upon your new, exciting "un-life", an up-to-date listing of other members and their contact info, hunting/stalking, nutrition and meal preparation tips, a calendar of events, and even some handy coupons for our take-out service and other fine products!

Be sure to fill out, and return by fax, the automatic deduction authorization form for your quarterly payments to The League. We will need this information immediately to begin collecting your dues and to activate your medical/dental coverage.

As a Living Dead Entity, you will need to keep an eye on your rate of decompostion. Watch out for body parts that have turned black or green. Forget what Hollywood has taught you about zombies; this is NOT normal! See a medical professional at least two times a year, more often if you experience the loss of any appendages. As soon as you receive your insurance I.D. card, please make an appointment with a League-approved healthcare provider for a base-line, general checkup. Your only priorities now are to eat and to "live" well and with proper care and nutrition, you may "live" forever.

While you're waiting for your information packet to arrive, you might as well harvest those delicious Vanilla Brains™. The doctors in whose heads they reside are evidently not using them to their fullest advantage, so you may as well partake. If they are not observant enough to recognize a Living Dead Entity when they see one, we don't want them reanimating.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


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The Ghoul Next Door - Night of the Living Dead 's Little Zombie

Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

The League of the Living Dead

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I noticed a little pink when brushing and my dentist said it was gingivitis. I later noticed some festering boils and rotting flesh on my chest and abdomen and my doctor said it was Taco Bell. During these consultations, I was almost overwhelmed by the beautiful aroma of their brains which smelled a lot like vanilla. Is there something I should know?
-Rob


Dear Rob,
Welcome to The League, my friend. Your union contract and our standard "Disorientation Package" has been sent to you by messenger and it should arrive momentarily. Everything you will henceforth need to know is contained therein. Please read it carefully. In it you will find all the rules necessary to successfully embark upon your new, exciting "un-life", an up-to-date listing of other members and their contact info, hunting/stalking, nutrition and meal preparation tips, a calendar of events, and even some handy coupons for our take-out service and other fine products!

Be sure to fill out, and return by fax, the automatic deduction authorization form for your quarterly payments to The League. We will need this information immediately to begin collecting your dues and to activate your medical/dental coverage.

As a Living Dead Entity, you will need to keep an eye on your rate of decompostion. Watch out for body parts that have turned black or green. Forget what Hollywood has taught you about zombies; this is NOT normal! See a medical professional at least two times a year, more often if you experience the loss of any appendages. As soon as you receive your insurance I.D. card, please make an appointment with a League-approved healthcare provider for a base-line, general checkup. Your only priorities now are to eat and to "live" well and with proper care and nutrition, you may "live" forever.

While you're waiting for your information packet to arrive, you might as well harvest those delicious Vanilla Brains™. The doctors in whose heads they reside are evidently not using them to their fullest advantage, so you may as well partake. If they are not observant enough to recognize a Living Dead Entity when they see one, we don't want them reanimating.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


More of The League Of The Living Dead

Return to the Table of Contents