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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I've been thinking of quitting my job and beginning a career writing novels. Do you think that's risky or should I go for it and live my dream?
-C. S.
Dear C. S.,
Quitting a good job that pays regularly in favor of writer's block, probable starvation and homelessness seems completely sane to me; I don't know why more people don't choose that path. It would certainly be a boon for our kind if more of you did. I've always been a patron of the arts, you know, and writers really make my mouth water. Nothing tickles me more than the sight of artsy, corduroy-clad vagrants panhandling for change, reeking of cheap wine and disappointment. They're such easy prey there's almost no sport in it, and sadly, no one misses them when they vanish. Of course, I always spare the brains of writers. Even if they're not particularly talented, they have such passion about their work that they make excellent revenants. My current administrative assistant is a former Haiku poet and university professor. He keeps me organized and types my column for me when Spiffy is on a bender. He tends to brood a lot, but the leather patches on his elbows and his Haiku Post-it memos are an endless source of amusement for me and the rest of my staff:
"Paperclips are gone
I have no reason to live
Please kill me again"
Now you see why I love having writers around. I'm sure I can find a position on my staff for you, too! Please submit your resumé and some samples of your work.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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