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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
If I ran out of food in a famine, would it be okay to eat Spiffy?
-Monrozombi
Dear Monrozombi,
I think I'll allow Spiffy to respond to your question.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
Dear Monrozombi,
Arrr? Grrrr! Wah-wroooof wooo wahhhhh-rrrr!
Spiffy
TRANSLATION:
Dear Monrozombi,
I thought you liked me! You told me that your fondest wish was to drive me around in your pickup truck and take me berry-picking at quaint Amish farms, and then go to Zinn's where I could lick Shoo-fly pie off your face. I never dreamed that your fantasy included jamming an apple into my mouth and roasting me over an open fire!
Bear this in mind: I am Dawg of the Dead™. The Army of the Living Dead will rise up against you should any harm come to me. General "White Eyes" Wallis is a close personal friend of mine and he'll hunt you down as soon as he returns from the war. In the meantime, my pals Frankie, Guido and Sparkles will be paying you a visit. They will discuss your culinary preferences with you and make you see the error of your ways. I'm sure you'll agree that tofu is by far the wiser choice for humans faced with famine. If you will not be persuaded by their suggestions, you'll be the one turning on a spit at our next picnic.
-Spiffy
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