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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I live in a large apartment building and two of my neighbors fight violently every weekend. Last night I think the woman might have killed her husband because I heard a gunshot around 2 am, and I haven't seen him all day. I saw her sneaking out of the apartment early this morning with some luggage and she hasn't been back. Should I call the police or mind my own business?
-B. Murphy
Dear B.,
You must call the police immediately. If, as you suspect, this woman has murdered her husband (I hope it wasn't a head shot!), he has:
a.) already reanimated and is prowling the corridors, or,
b.) he is currently decomposing in his apartment and doing no one any good.
If you happen to see him shambling about, please direct him to my office for orientation. If, on the other hand, he has suffered permanent death, it may already be too late to salvage his remains for food. The body should be taken to the morgue asap, where my associates can liberate it and put it to constructive use. If he's too far gone to eat, his body may be utilized in butchering demonstrations for our culinary classes, or dissected and used in arts and crafts projects.
The sooner you contact the authorities, the more likely the woman will be apprehended and punished for her misdeeds. Wasting a cadaver is a terrible crime and it is not tolerated by our organization. Thanks for writing.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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