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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Living With The Living Dead

Dear Ghoulfriend,
It is getting to be that time of the year, that the temperature drops, and so do people's IQ's. Somehow people are more easily brainwashed by commercial propaganda advertising to purchase more consumer products this time of year, and don't think about much else. Mainly the living dead! Do the cold temperatures affect the living dead? I assume you are cold blooded are you not? Are you at risk of freezing to death? If this is the case is there anything that can be done to help the living dead out during these cold months? Is there a location where supplies can be dropped off?

Just looking out for the cold skinned during the cold months.
Thank you,
-Morgan Denton


Dear Morgan,
Thank you for thinking of us; your concern touches me. Most of us are cold blooded while some of us are actually no-blooded. Since our hearts don't function anymore, we have no need for the stuff. Contrary to popular belief, moderately cold weather is actually good for us. We decompose at a slower rate in the winter, and that's just one reason many of us choose to live in the northeast. (An aversion to Nascar fans and flying cockroaches are also factors; we do have standards.)

Most of us will not require any external sources of heat this winter, but if you'd like to donate air conditioners, beach umbrellas and large blocks of ice next summer, it would be most appreciated. Blistering heat and humidity are very hard on our delicate tissues and flies lay their eggs on us all the time. From May through September I never leave home without a fly swatter!

Winter is not without its challenges, however. Most of our "meals" stay indoors during the winter months, and our people have trouble procuring food. Donations of food (spleens, livers, lady fingers) are always welcome and can be made at the League office nearest you.

Thank you again for your kindness and generosity. I almost feel guilty for wanting to eat you.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


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The Ghoul Next Door - Night of the Living Dead 's Little Zombie

Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Living With The Living Dead

Dear Ghoulfriend,
It is getting to be that time of the year, that the temperature drops, and so do people's IQ's. Somehow people are more easily brainwashed by commercial propaganda advertising to purchase more consumer products this time of year, and don't think about much else. Mainly the living dead! Do the cold temperatures affect the living dead? I assume you are cold blooded are you not? Are you at risk of freezing to death? If this is the case is there anything that can be done to help the living dead out during these cold months? Is there a location where supplies can be dropped off?

Just looking out for the cold skinned during the cold months.
Thank you,
-Morgan Denton


Dear Morgan,
Thank you for thinking of us; your concern touches me. Most of us are cold blooded while some of us are actually no-blooded. Since our hearts don't function anymore, we have no need for the stuff. Contrary to popular belief, moderately cold weather is actually good for us. We decompose at a slower rate in the winter, and that's just one reason many of us choose to live in the northeast. (An aversion to Nascar fans and flying cockroaches are also factors; we do have standards.)

Most of us will not require any external sources of heat this winter, but if you'd like to donate air conditioners, beach umbrellas and large blocks of ice next summer, it would be most appreciated. Blistering heat and humidity are very hard on our delicate tissues and flies lay their eggs on us all the time. From May through September I never leave home without a fly swatter!

Winter is not without its challenges, however. Most of our "meals" stay indoors during the winter months, and our people have trouble procuring food. Donations of food (spleens, livers, lady fingers) are always welcome and can be made at the League office nearest you.

Thank you again for your kindness and generosity. I almost feel guilty for wanting to eat you.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


More Living With The Living Dead

Return to the Table of Contents