Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I've been trying to quit smoking and I wondered if you have any tips for staying smoke-free without gaining weight or committing murder. I'm kind of cranky these days. Thanks.
-Mr. Jones
Dear Mr. Jones,
I sympathize with your concerns about weight-gain, but I simply don't understand your aversion to murder. Remember, homicide is an excellent outlet for the stressors of daily life. It's a healthy way to blow off steam and rid yourself of minor irritants in one fell swoop. Hand-to-hand combat is a great cardio workout and your heart and lungs will thank you! Do not, however, eat your kills, and don't just dump them in the river, either. Please be socially responsible and donate the carcasses to a League-run salvage yard for those in need of spare parts. Your contributions are tax deductible and you'll be helping disabled zombies live better lives. When your lungs are pink and healthy again, you may donate those as well. Hope that helps!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
Return to the Table of Contents
