Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I have a nasty case of necrotizing fasciitis on the middle finger of my right hand. Could this be God's way of punishing me for flipping off the idiots on the freeway?
-Taffi Mae Hogg
Dear Taffi Mae,
I cannot tell you how delighted I am to hear this! Rest assured, dear Taffi, that God is not punishing you! She is rewarding you by leading you on the glorious path to living death! Granted, it will be a rather slow and painful path, but once you have reached your destination, the embarrassment and agony you are now experiencing will have been well worth it! The real beauty of NF is that you will definitely not require disfiguring cosmetic surgery or a makeover by our stylists upon joining our organization. You will be perfectly hideous all on your own -- a natural beauty. I think I see a modeling career in your future, Taffi! Please write again when you reach death's door, and I will personally see to your initiation.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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