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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
This is embarrassing for me. I haven't spoken to anyone about this till now. I've developed a bizarre nervous tick, and don't ask me why! Every time I get close to a girl, like if I'm gonna kiss her, or maybe put my arm around her while we're watching horror movies at my place, I start screaming "Pull da string! Pull da string!" I can't stop myself! I mean, what the heck is this all about? I'm at the edge of my string - I mean rope!
-Marty Fajardo
Dear Marty,
Does the name "Geppetto" mean anything to you? I have taken the liberty of doing some quick research into your genealogy and it seems that you are the long lost brother of Pinocchio Fajardo, bass player for the famous death-metal band "Nose Bleed." It pains me to tell you this, but you and your siblings were originally marionettes, lovingly crafted of wolmanized birch. Shortly after your creation, all of you were stolen, sold into slavery and used as clothes posts at a Chinese laundry. You must be having flashbacks to your previous life there - it's no wonder your subconscious has kept it buried all this time; your years of indentured servitude at Yo Ming's Laundry and Toothpick Factory were torturous. It's a pity that your sister didn't make it out of there in one piece, but you can visit her at various restaurants around Manhattan and in finer grocery stores nationwide.
Still, all of that is behind you and no one else is pulling your strings. You are now the master of your own destiny.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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