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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
My sister is a "hat person". That's bad enough (it gets worse with time...last Xmas she wore stuffed antlers on her head while we opened gifts), but now I learn she....she.....she's a "karaoke whore". She HAD to make sure that I'd be in San Diego for her regular night. I'd rather not see that. And she doesn't even sing fun oldies. It might be fun to see her try to pull off "Son of a Preacher Man" or something, but it sounds like she sings Foo Fighters and Nirvana. What should I do about this? Her pop-culture mania wasn't always this...pronounced.
-Bereaved Brother in Berkeley
Dear Berkeley,
I feel your pain. Few things are worse than being forced to witness the voluntary, public humiliation of a cherished family member. The macabre spectacle of Karaoke is far more horrifying than the Grand Guignol could ever hope to be and your sister clearly has serious issues. Think of this as a cry for help and either get her back to Northern California for de-programming therapy (though if she's wearing hats WHILE singing Karaoke, it's probably too late for that), or take her to the nearest Veterinary clinic in San Diego and have her immediately euthanized. The procedure is quick and painless. After all, we administer this merciful kindness to our four-legged companions, and we should not hesitate to do it for our siblings when they insist upon embarrassing themselves and others.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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