Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I'm gonna need to hire some extra help at Spang's Savory Stiffs to keep up with all the customers you're sending me. Is it unethical to use your consumer base as ingredients?
-Chef Stevil
Dear Chef Stevil,
I'm delighted that my little column was able to generate so much business for you! I hope to eat at your establishment someday soon, so save some stiffs for me!
It is not unethical or illegal to use your customers as ingredients, particularly if they complain or send back their meals. Big tippers should never be considered, but repeat customers who stiff (no pun intended) the waiters should be carried off to the kitchen, pronto. Patrons who linger at their tables long after paying the tab should also be sliced and diced. Of course, you'll want to be sure your ingredients are as fresh as possible, and you won't want to use any really old revenants, lest too much dry rot has set in. That sort of thing is difficult to disguise even with liberal use of the most pungent herbs and spices. (I'm sure you've faced the challenge of preparing rotten meat if you've ever cooked an attorney.) You're the expert, though, and you'll know what's best. Best of luck with your eatery, Chef! Knock 'em dead!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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