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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
How would someone know if they are a werewolf? And what happens when they transform?
-Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Sprouting fur in unusual places, growing a snout and ripping humans to shreds once a month are among the first indicators that one is a werewolf. Chasing cars and one's tail are secondary clues that one is beset by a lycanthropic condition. An uncontrollable urge to sniff a stranger's butt is the definitive sign that one is a werewolf.
I've heard the transformation process is somewhat painful, but well worth the price of admission when one considers the myriad health benefits of the lifestyle. Due to their high protein diet and strenuous exercise, werewolves are very fit and rarely suffer from life-threatening human ailments. Heart disease and strokes are almost unheard of among the werewolf population. Fleas and mange, on the other hand, are potentially debilitating occupational hazards, but they're treatable. Silver bullets, though rare these days, are also a risk, and should be avoided at all costs.
So, the next time you wake up naked, covered in someone else's blood, thank your lucky stars you're a werewolf!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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