Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
Let me first say thank you for taking the time to give advice to your fellow members of the living dead community.
Having recently awakened from the slumber of death, I have found that a good strong cup of coffee helps me to think more clearly. It would probably help even more if it were not for that darn belly wound, but I digress. I wish to combine the benefits of coffee with the wholesome goodness of Bosco (chocolate syrup of choice for the living dead, I understand.) Do you have a favorite cappuccino recipe that uses Bosco?
Shuffling past my favorite coffee house,
-Joe Buzz
Dear Joe,
I completely sympathize with your desire for a formerly-loved substance, but I can't stress enough how detrimental coffee can be to the living dead! Please don't drink it! Coffee is too acidic for our delicate tissues and I'd hate for you to endure what our darling, late V. P. of The League suffered. He had a two-pot-a-day habit and it finally ate clean through his esophagus, stomach and large intestine. He began leaking coffee from nearly every orifice and we had to run behind him with a steam-vac just to keep up with the seepage (we have some beautiful Oriental rugs that were nearly ruined!). To make matters worse, he refused medical treatment, and within a week, he dissolved into a viscous puddle of mush from which there was no return. It was horrible! If he'd seen a doctor (one of ours, of course), he'd still be with us, though he would have been under strict orders never to drink coffee again. Anyway, only his head remained "alive" atop the pool of slime, and we had to put it out of its misery with an antique torchiere floor lamp (we had the rugs rolled up and taken out of the room for that event). It's always absolutely horrifying when one of our own has to be "put down" in such an undignified fashion.
So, Joe, if you must frequent coffee shops, it would be healthier for you to develop and indulge a taste for the newest, trendy treat, the Bosco-covered Barista™
Love,
Ghoulfriend
More of The Joy Of Bosco
Return to the Table of Contents
