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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
My girlfriend doesn't like to cook and all we ever eat is raw brains and intestines. I'm sick of eating raw food all the time. Could you please talk her into cooking once in a while?
-Starving in Seattle
Dear Starving,
Shame on you. Some things never change, and one of them is that men, even dead ones, think cooking is "women's work." Where on earth did you ever get the idea that only women can (or should) cook? Don't you realize that most of the great chefs in the world are men? Emeril
LaGutsy is a man and his bistro serves the finest intestines (raw, I might add) one can find anywhere in the world! Another is Wolfman Puck; his Braised Bavarian Brains absolutely melt in your mouth, and the waiting list for reservations at his establishment is miles long! Contrary to popular belief, world-renowned chef Ghoulia Child was also a man, though he chose to live his life in drag. Sadly, The League of the Living Dead recently decided that he had to go. His advanced age and penchant for butter was causing him to shed great hunks of flesh, and quite frankly, his voice was getting on our nerves. We took him out with a quick and painless head shot. God rest his sweet soul.
Anyway, do yourself and your girlfriend a favor and enroll in one of our League-operated culinary academies located in fine funeral homes nationwide. (Most morticians are actually League members, you know.) The food supply is always plentiful and fresh, we have access to state-of-the-art facilities and our students can hone their craft in complete privacy.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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