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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
My boyfriend never helps around the house. He leaves his crap all over the place for me to either trip over or pick up and put away. I'm sick of it and it has been the source of many a knock-down, drag-out fight. I've threatened to throw him out if he doesn't change his ways, but he doesn't take me seriously. What can I do?
-Fed up
Dear Fed up,
You didn't say whether you and your boyfriend are League members or mortal humans, but I suppose it doesn't really matter. The same advice holds true for either species: Rip off one of his arms and beat him about the head and shoulders with it. This should get his attention and I believe he will begin taking you seriously. Of course, he won't be able to help with heavy lifting, but he will still be capable of picking up his clothes and toys and putting them in their proper places.
Whatever you do, do not let that arm go to waste. If he is a member of The League, just strip the remaining flesh from it and use the bones as a table lamp. You can find wiring supplies at any hardware store and it's really simple to do. You'll have to do this yourself, of course, because it requires two hands. If you are both mortal humans, I recommend immediately dropping the arm into one of our collection boxes found in most major cities and large shopping malls nationwide. Please don't dally - we prefer fresh meat.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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