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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
My recently divorced mother-in-law dropped in for a "brief" visit five months ago and she hasn't left yet. She has redecorated the guest room and no longer allows me to smoke cigarettes in my own home. She complains about my cooking but she won't lift a finger in the kitchen (or anywhere else for that matter). My husband won't make her leave because he feels sorry for her. This is putting a huge strain on our relationship. What can I do to get rid of her?
-Wits' end
Dear Wits,
Don't worry, honey, this will be a cinch. Mothers-in-law are the bane of every married woman's existence, and as such, you are well within your rights to do away with her in any manner you see fit (just don't get caught - there are actually laws that prohibit murder, no matter how justifiable it may seem to the rest of us). The same holds true of husbands who choose their mothers' comfort and sensibilities over those of their wives. Two murders are as easy as one, so you might as well rid yourself of both annoyances at the same time. Your husband clearly has no backbone and it's just a matter of time before something else comes between you, and you, once again, get the short end of the stick. And speaking of sticks, you might want to use one, aimed at the temporal lobe. It should be quick and relatively painless. Do it now, while you're still angry, or you may never again have another shot at it. Please bring their bodies to your local League headquarters and we'll take care of the evidence for you. Hope that helps!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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