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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I think my girlfriend is seeing a zombie behind my back; she comes home late at night smelling like death and has bite marks all over her body. What should I do?
-M. B. Lazi
Dear M. B.,
Your girlfriend obviously has excellent taste when it comes to choosing partners for her illicit affairs. I really couldn't be more pleased! It seems that up to now her paramour has shown remarkable self control, but it's just a matter of time before he becomes so obsessed with her that he will be unable to resist devouring her completely. This is not an altogether bad thing. We are always on the lookout for more recruits and as long as he leaves her brain intact, it's a workable scenario.
Let your girlfriend continue to date this rogue and allow their relationship to run its inevitably bloody course. I'd estimate that within the week she'll be a full-fledged League member and at that time, you will once again have her full attention -- probably more than you ever did before!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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