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Dear Ghoulfriend,
My boyfriend does nothing at all anymore but sit around playing video games. His diet consists of nothing but sugary snacks. The unusual thing is, his skin had grown very pale, and there is a glazed look in his eyes nowadays, even when he is not playing those accursed games (i.e., when he is asleep). I've begun to suspect that his constant intake of Little Debbies has toxified his liver, and that he is, in fact, deceased. But he still plays those damn games. Is my theory correct? Can excessive video-gaming cause one to become a zombie? I have $5 riding on your answer.
-K. Dragonfly
Dear K. Dragonfly,
Rest assured, dear girl, that your boyfriend is very much alive, or, at least, what passes for alive with some male, Gen-X members of the population these days. When he tosses aside the Little Debbies and goes for your throat, then you will know he's dead - or rather, living dead.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're going to lose that $5. Incessant video-gaming doesn't lead to living death. On the contrary, it leads to brain-death, and that condition precludes reanimation of the flesh. It's a shame, really - an entire generation of men, wasting their lives and their brains, and for what? They are incapable of leading normal, mortal lives, and when their bodies finally expire, there's just not enough brain matter left to allow them to live fulfilling lives as zombies. We just use their bodies for food, and throw away their brains; after all, that's what they've done!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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