Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Domestic Disturbances

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I have a friend who sometimes lives with me. He's not a normal roommate, in that he's not here most of the time. He occasionally sends some money, but I see it as just a storage fee for the copious amounts of stuff he owns (he has one large room so packed with his crap that I can't get in the door and I no longer have access to my stuff). When he's here, he rarely pitches in on expenses because he doesn't work. He smokes my cigarettes, eats my food, drives my car, uses my computer, my water, gas, electric, orders pay per view movies, etc., and generally raises all of my expenses. Last weekend when he'd been home for only two days himself (and would only be home for four more days), he invited a stranger to shower here and spend the night. Ghoulfriend, I am not an antisocial person and I'm usually very generous, but I feel that my hospitality is being abused. How should I handle this?
-Patsy


Dear Patsy,
I had a dear friend in the same position and it made her desperately unhappy. All of us at The League repeatedly urged her to extricate herself from her stress-inducing situation. We told her to throw the guy out on the street where he belonged, but she didn't listen to our advice. She was just too nice. One day, after tripping over her roommate's mint condition Partridge Family scrapbook and chipping a tooth, she flew into a murderous rage and impaled him on his own didgeridoo. She is currently serving 110 years in San Quentin, without parole. We do have some League members "inside" who plan to transform her, but she'll be quite elderly when she's finally released, and prison food doesn't adequately nourish our unique bodies. She will have to forage for more nutritious fare on her own or starve.

So, Patsy, let this be a lesson to you. You can either put up with your roommate's disrespectful behavior until you snap and end up in prison, or you can soak his belongings in gasoline, set them ablaze and toss them from the roof. The choice is yours. Personally, I always enjoy the spectacle of an impaling; it's such good theater! Just make sure you leave no witnesses.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


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The Ghoul Next Door - Night of the Living Dead 's Little Zombie

Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Domestic Disturbances

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I have a friend who sometimes lives with me. He's not a normal roommate, in that he's not here most of the time. He occasionally sends some money, but I see it as just a storage fee for the copious amounts of stuff he owns (he has one large room so packed with his crap that I can't get in the door and I no longer have access to my stuff). When he's here, he rarely pitches in on expenses because he doesn't work. He smokes my cigarettes, eats my food, drives my car, uses my computer, my water, gas, electric, orders pay per view movies, etc., and generally raises all of my expenses. Last weekend when he'd been home for only two days himself (and would only be home for four more days), he invited a stranger to shower here and spend the night. Ghoulfriend, I am not an antisocial person and I'm usually very generous, but I feel that my hospitality is being abused. How should I handle this?
-Patsy


Dear Patsy,
I had a dear friend in the same position and it made her desperately unhappy. All of us at The League repeatedly urged her to extricate herself from her stress-inducing situation. We told her to throw the guy out on the street where he belonged, but she didn't listen to our advice. She was just too nice. One day, after tripping over her roommate's mint condition Partridge Family scrapbook and chipping a tooth, she flew into a murderous rage and impaled him on his own didgeridoo. She is currently serving 110 years in San Quentin, without parole. We do have some League members "inside" who plan to transform her, but she'll be quite elderly when she's finally released, and prison food doesn't adequately nourish our unique bodies. She will have to forage for more nutritious fare on her own or starve.

So, Patsy, let this be a lesson to you. You can either put up with your roommate's disrespectful behavior until you snap and end up in prison, or you can soak his belongings in gasoline, set them ablaze and toss them from the roof. The choice is yours. Personally, I always enjoy the spectacle of an impaling; it's such good theater! Just make sure you leave no witnesses.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


More Domestic Disturbances

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