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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I keep cheating on my husband, but I don't want to leave him because he has a bunch of money. Am I evil? And if so, where is the best place to find men who don't care if you are married?
-Gold Digging Whore
Dear Gold Digging Whore,
Of course you're not evil, dear, so don't worry your pretty head about such things. Guilt is a useless emotion that only serves to stand in the way of our truest desires. Do you think I feel guilty when I make a meal of a hapless stranger? Of course not. If I gave in to every potentially guilt-inducing moment, I'd have starved years ago and I wouldn't be able to give you advice now. Shame on your husband for making you feel guilty!
Darling, you really must check his will. Chances are quite good that you are his sole beneficiary and with that awful, possessive brute out of the way, you can have his money and enjoy guiltless trysts with any man of your choosing. Try to think of it as a mercy killing. You'll actually be doing him a favor because you won't have to lie to him anymore and as we know, being lied to is VERY painful. You will be sparing him that indignity and that makes you a wonderful, caring wife/widow. See? Don't you feel better now?
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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