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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I bought a rather skimpy outfit from a guy on an internet auction site, paid immediately and gave him a positive rating when I received the merchandise. I e-mailed him to ask if he would leave a positive rating for me, too. He replied that he would, but he wanted to see a picture of me in the outfit first! He is holding my rating hostage! Is this legal?
-Billie Jean
Dear Billie Jean,
You can report his boorish behavior to the administrators of the auction website. They will probably take some minor and ultimately ineffectual action against him in the form of a flaccid, written admonishment not to engage in feedback extortion again. Will it suddenly transform him into an honorable human being? Probably not.
This man clearly needs a lesson in auction etiquette. However, since the lout is probably incapable of spelling or even pronouncing the word "etiquette", you'll have to settle for getting even, and that's really a lot more fun. Some believe that revenge is a dish best served cold, but I disagree; it is best served at precisely 98.6°. You can achieve this by sending him a Fecalgram™. You should wait, however, until the time period has passed for him to give you a negative rating with regard to your transaction. Keep in mind that he has your current home address, so you might want to move before beginning your vengeful onslaught of poop and terror.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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