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Dear Ghoulfriend,
Does oil come from cows?
-Not signed
Dear N.S.,
My colleague and mentor, Methuselah McShane, and I have been discussing your letter and we're in disagreement about the source of oil. He said, and I quote, "That's ridiculous - everyone knows oil comes from snakes. Actually since oil is created from the decomposition of fossils of organic matter, in reality, oil could come from cows. We will all be burned in someone's gas tank one day. I guess China will be the number one producer of oil in 20 million years."
Methuselah has a point, though I don't believe cows had yet been invented 20 million years ago. More likely, oil comes from dumpsters behind fast food restaurants. The Middle East is crawling with Falafel stands and that's why so much oil is imported from those countries. Falafel does not contain cows, therefore oil does not come from cows. (This is not to say that cows do not have an impact on the environment. The ozone is being depleted by cow-flatulence, but that's a topic for another column.) Forget drilling in the Arctic: If we really want to decrease our dependence on foreign oil, we need to open a lot more Falafel stands. Hope that helps!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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