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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
My fiancée turned into a zombie. Should I cage her and keep her or kill her?
-Horrified in Harrisburg
Dear H.i.H.,
It is illegal to cage or otherwise physically restrain a member of The League of the Living Dead. The penalty for this crime is swift and severe. You must treat your zombie fiancée with love and respect or suffer the consequences.
The way I see it, you have exactly two options open to you: set her free and allow her to fully embrace her living death, unencumbered by your moralistic haranguing or JOIN her and become a League member yourself! We can arrange an immediate transformation for you at your neighborhood League office. Think of it! - you and your lady-love can shamble around the earth together for eternity (or as long as you're able to remain ambulatory), seeking human victims and sharing romantic meals under the stars. If that's not enough inducement to join our union, we'll throw in a weekend at the Evans City Cemetery in beautiful, downtown Evans City, PA. We spare no expense here at The League and we'll do whatever it takes to recruit you!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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