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Dear Ghoulfriend,
An old boyfriend is coming into town for the holidays and he wants to pick up where we left off 15 years ago. I still get a tingly feeling when I think of him. I should add that he is a mortal human and I am a recently inducted League member. Should I go for it or forget him? Would it be wrong to hook up with him as things stand now?
-Still tingly after all these years
Dear Tingly,
The sensation you are experiencing is probably heartburn or acid reflux. Have one of our morticians check that out before you make a decision that could be disastrous to you and the human man.
The pairing of a human with a zombie is not recommended unless the human is on the menu for dinner. It sounds as though you still have feelings for this man, so I would strongly advise against any sort of union that doesn't include stocking your freezer with pieces of him. You will have to be honest with him about what you are and what you do for "a living." I gather he doesn't already know, hence his eagerness to rekindle your former relationship. This human will have to be very open-minded about inter-species dating. He will have to be apprised of your specific dietary requirements and general "lifestyle". You must make it clear that at any given moment, you may be completely consumed by your craving for "the food" and you could turn on him. If I were you, I'd just take a bite out of him right away and let nature take its course. These moral dilemmas are simply too difficult to navigate sometimes. Hope that helps!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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