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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Living With The Living Dead

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I am in the dubious position of supervising the walking dead drones where I work. It is a thankless task fraught with drama and strife but fortunately, most of the time the subordinates are rather easy to monitor, seeing as they are nothing more than pure, motorized instinct. Throw them a limb and they perform. Recently, I received grief from my supervisor over a decision I rendered concerning one of my drones. In this particular case, I defended the ghoul because he is a new member of the family of the dead and could see that he did nothing wrong. The flesh bag for whom I work insists that I find the drone at fault in the matter, which I refuse to do. While I have entertained thoughts of inviting him to sit in a flaming 1955 Ford truck, I'm not so sure that even this would get him to relent. What should I do, oh wise Ghoulfriend?
-Drone Master


Dear Drone Master,
You are fortunate to work so closely with the living dead and it is gratifying to hear that you care so deeply about their welfare and reputations. Contrary to popular belief, the living dead are sentient creatures and they are deserving of ethical and humane treatment. I'll bet you're even a member of PETZ: People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies. PETZ is a wonderful organization and they are currently seeking the Ukrainian "artist" who kills zombies and uses their corpses to make "art." They have promised to turn her over to The League of the Living Dead after her capture and we plan to create a spectacular work of "art" from the remains of her monstrous carcass. We already have space reserved in a Swedish gallery for our exhibition. They don't know it yet, but we plan to make "art" out of the gallery owners, too. Sorry, it seems I got off track there.

This "flesh bag" you speak of must certainly be a mortal human. It's doubtful that a League member would be so wantonly callous regarding the treatment of one of his brothers. A human such as this should never be placed in a supervisory position over the living dead. It is, in fact, a violation of our contract. Aside from the legal/contractual ramifications, it's just a really dumb idea to piss off a zombie. You know, of course, that he must be "disciplined" (that's "dismembered and devoured" in zombie parlance).

If you feel at all squeamish about administering the punishment yourself, your "scapegoat" drone will gladly help you. Invite your drone and the supervisor to lunch, then walk away. Your drone has a snack, you have plausible deniability and your supervisor is transformed into yet another drone. It's positively symbiotic.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


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The Ghoul Next Door - Night of the Living Dead 's Little Zombie

Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Living With The Living Dead

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I am in the dubious position of supervising the walking dead drones where I work. It is a thankless task fraught with drama and strife but fortunately, most of the time the subordinates are rather easy to monitor, seeing as they are nothing more than pure, motorized instinct. Throw them a limb and they perform. Recently, I received grief from my supervisor over a decision I rendered concerning one of my drones. In this particular case, I defended the ghoul because he is a new member of the family of the dead and could see that he did nothing wrong. The flesh bag for whom I work insists that I find the drone at fault in the matter, which I refuse to do. While I have entertained thoughts of inviting him to sit in a flaming 1955 Ford truck, I'm not so sure that even this would get him to relent. What should I do, oh wise Ghoulfriend?
-Drone Master


Dear Drone Master,
You are fortunate to work so closely with the living dead and it is gratifying to hear that you care so deeply about their welfare and reputations. Contrary to popular belief, the living dead are sentient creatures and they are deserving of ethical and humane treatment. I'll bet you're even a member of PETZ: People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies. PETZ is a wonderful organization and they are currently seeking the Ukrainian "artist" who kills zombies and uses their corpses to make "art." They have promised to turn her over to The League of the Living Dead after her capture and we plan to create a spectacular work of "art" from the remains of her monstrous carcass. We already have space reserved in a Swedish gallery for our exhibition. They don't know it yet, but we plan to make "art" out of the gallery owners, too. Sorry, it seems I got off track there.

This "flesh bag" you speak of must certainly be a mortal human. It's doubtful that a League member would be so wantonly callous regarding the treatment of one of his brothers. A human such as this should never be placed in a supervisory position over the living dead. It is, in fact, a violation of our contract. Aside from the legal/contractual ramifications, it's just a really dumb idea to piss off a zombie. You know, of course, that he must be "disciplined" (that's "dismembered and devoured" in zombie parlance).

If you feel at all squeamish about administering the punishment yourself, your "scapegoat" drone will gladly help you. Invite your drone and the supervisor to lunch, then walk away. Your drone has a snack, you have plausible deniability and your supervisor is transformed into yet another drone. It's positively symbiotic.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


More Living With The Living Dead

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