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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I found a zombie in a pile of leaves today. Should I bag him up and put him out with the trash or is there someone I can call to come and get him? I think he's still "alive."
-Frank
Dear Frank,
This has been happening with alarming frequency since Halloween night. Comatose zombies have been sighted in grain silos, ditches and storm sewers all over the country. One by one, they've awakened and stumbled back home, suffering from monumental hangovers. After thorough debriefing and tissue tests, we've been able to determine that they all ingested Trick-or-Treaters who had recently eaten Pop Rocks®. Contrary to the ridiculous urban legends concerning this candy, it is harmless to humans, but its high concentration of carbon dioxide acts as an intoxicant in zombies and it should never be ingested while one is away from the safety of one's home. This is clearly stated in "Rules of Engagement with the Food," but unfortunately, many of our members don't bother reading this critically important document. The ignorance and stupidity of the human condition sometimes lingers even after death
Anyway, Frank, please make sure no one parks a car on top of your zombie. He'll eventually wake up and be on his way.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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