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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
Last weekend was a real chiller. I haven't slept for days and know I wasn't bitten recently, but feel as though I was infected by a swamp bug and am turning into a zombie. Is this possible?
Nick Omancer
Dear Nick,
A swamp bug can only turn you into a zombie if it has recently bitten a zombie and is still carrying some zombie juice which it could inject into you. You weren't by any chance in the vicinity of those lovely wetlands around Giants Stadium, were you? Those bugs can be really nasty biters, and the swamps there are thick with the living dead. If that's the case, I'm happy to inform you that you probably will become a League member in the very near future! Do you feel feverish? Do you have any nasty open sores that won't heal? Do you have a sickly green pallor that can't be disguised with basic foundation makeup? If so, you're just a few days away from the eternal bliss known as living death and you'll find that you'll have a little bonus gift as well!
The lovely thing about Swamp Bug Zombies™ is the presence of some interesting and entertaining insectile qualities. Many of our members in the wetlands are endowed with bioluminescent characteristics, much like fireflies! This comes in handy for nocturnal hunting, attracting friends and reading before bedtime. Others in the swamps have sharp mandibles, perfect for tearing and chewing flesh, and still others spin darling little cocoons in which to sleep or carry their belongings. Please stay in touch and tell me which of these talents you possess when you finally make the change. We cherish our mutants!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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