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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I am having a hard time getting along with my co-workers. They say I'm evil and that I'm mean. I don't do mean things on purpose; it's just that stupid people piss me off and I feel the need to make them cry, whether we're in public or not. Do you have any advice you can give me on how to blend in better?
-Ms. Understood
Dear Ms. Understood,
You are not the one who should try to "blend in." You have set a high standard at your place of employment and your dull-witted co-workers should fall down on their knees every day and give thanks that they work with someone so bright and conscientious. They should be doing everything in their power to increase their intelligence and knowledge of the world around them and rise to the standard that you have set. Stupid people piss me off too, and I completely understand your frustration with them. Of course, stupid people are my bread and butter, so to speak. It's much easier to lure, capture and eat a stupid person than a really smart one, and I tend to eat the less intelligent of your species more often than those with higher IQs. I mean, why work for the food when you don't have to, right? Doesn't matter to me, though - they all taste pretty much the same. I think of it as thinning the herd through natural selection, thereby ensuring that only the fittest, smartest and strongest of the species will survive to reproduce. This is yet another public service provided by the League of the Living Dead that goes unacknowledged by lawmakers of the human populace. Again, stupid people!
I'm afraid we are surrounded by them and we will continue to be surrounded for many years to come. If you really find life with these idiots unbearable, invite them to lunch and then drop them off at one of our League branch offices (we're in the Yellow Pages). We'll be more than happy to take them off your hands.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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