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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I have had the hiccups for 3 months and they show no signs of stopping. I can't eat or sleep anymore! Do you have a remedy? Please help me!
-Desperate!
Dear Desperate,
Our esteemed scientists at The League have studied this phenomenon for many years and their results have shown that people who suffer hiccups for more than twenty four hours are doomed to hiccup for the rest of their lives. There is no cure. You must nip this thing in the bud now, before you lose too much weight and possibly undergo a psychotic break due to sleep deprivation. Our counselors are standing by to take your call and they will direct you to your nearest League office. Once there, our "transformation specialists" will immediately remove and eat your epiglottis and you'll be on your way to a wonderful, new, hiccup-free Living Death!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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