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Dear Spiffy,
My cat Punky refuses to eat cheap cat food, so I end up spending more money on his food than my own at the grocery store. What should I do?
-P. Whipped
Dear Whipped,
Woof! Wah-wah-woo!
-Spiffy
TRANSLATION:
Dear Whipped,
This is as it should be. Cats believe they are naturally endowed with divine superiority over all other living creatures, and they expect to be revered and worshipped as gods and goddesses. It is natural that they prefer patÚ served in a crystal goblet to a plastic bowl heaped with fish-flavored cereal.
Although I am of the canine persuasion, I, too, prefer expensive cat food to the cheap stuff. When he's not looking, and when I'm able to reach it, I eat my cat's food all the time. He graciously shares his extruded food with me as well (although he seems uninterested in it in that form), and he actually goes out of his way to serve it to me on a bed of crunchy, crumb garnish in a large rectangular serving pan. The presentation is pleasing to the eye, and it has a delightfully firm texture. I find that it's just the right snack while waiting for the mailman to arrive. The cheap cat food tends to take on a rather nebulous form in that particular pan, and it's really impossible to eat without getting that crunchy garnish stuck to my nose. Your cat and I deserve the finest things that money can buy and if money is tight, you will require a second job.
-Spiffy
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