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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Spiffy,
My pet mouse Gunther has a habit of chewing on my hair while I'm asleep. It didn't bother me at first; I'd just wake up in the morning with wet hair. After a few weeks, however, I noticed that my hair seemed to be getting shorter. Last night he must have gone on a binge because one side of my head is bald! What can I do and will it grow back?
-Ed
Dear Ed,
Woof! Wah-wah-woo!
-Spiffy
TRANSLATION:
Dear Ed,
Gunther is chewing on your hair because he craves protein. Give him your credit card and a Swiss Colony catalog and let him make his own dietary decisions. The mouse-chow you've undoubtedly been feeding him is simply not enough to satisfy his needs. Unless he's also taken chunks of your scalp, your hair will grow back eventually, but he may need a few strands occasionally to floss his teeth. Until your hair grows in, I recommend tattooing your head with a picture of me.
-Spiffy
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