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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Spiffy,
Why does my Pomeranian not potty train? He is smart and learns tricks in 5 minutes but he will not potty train. He will be 1 year in November.
Help!!!
-Melodee
Dear Melodee,
Woof! Wah-wah-woo!
-Spiffy
TRANSLATION:
Dear Melodee,
Just out of curiosity, were YOU potty trained at age one? I think not. Why then, do humans demand more of canines than they do of themselves?
As you probably know, a breeding pair of Pomeranians were taken to England by Queen Charlotte in 1767, at which point they were regarded as royalty and all Pomeranians descended from Phebe and Mercury, the original pair, are also royal dogs.
My dear Melodee, your dog is a prince and you mustn't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. You must buy him a small throne from which he can direct household activities and plan events. It would be nice if you could find a Nyla-Scepter™ that he can alternately hold and chew. You'll also need to hire a staff to cater to all of his whims. I'm afraid that if you don't acquiesce to his demands, he'll have you imprisoned in the Tower of London where you'll spend the rest of your days watching Brit-com reruns and eating kidney pie.
-Spiffy
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