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Dear Ghoulfriend,
I work at the Renaissance Festival every summer selling obsolete musical intruments, and after a rendezvous with a handsome squire, I got a nasty rash that won't go away. Do you know of an era-appropriate cure? Anachronisms are frowned upon.
-Itchy
Dear Itchy,
Oh my! Fear not, dear, you have come to the right place. I have done some rather exhaustive research on your behalf and I've discovered just the cure for what you seem to have contracted.
You will have to soak the affected area(s) in boiling oil (OUCH!) and then apply fresh poultices of stinging nettle and hemlock. Do this twice daily for three days. Do not be alarmed when the skin tissue blackens and dies; this is all part of the process. Place a dozen fresh maggots on the dead flesh. They will eat their way through the necrotic tissue, but leave the viable skin intact. You will be left with horribly disfiguring scars, but the rash will no longer be a problem! Hope that helps!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
More Renaissance Faires - or - What's That Smell?
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