Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
The dead girl in my shower has acquired rigor mortis. Should I bag her up and dispose of her now, or wait until she softens up again?
-Maine Marauder
Dear Marauder,
Why would you want to dispose of her at all? Count your blessings! Most people live their whole lives without finding corpses in the shower, so just relax, take a deep breath (but not through your nose) and give it a little time. Your dead friend will soon be even more pliable than she was in life.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you that there are countless uses for corpses. When I find myself with a corpse not worthy of reanimation, I use it for tough cleaning chores. Just place a stick in its back and drag it around the floor as either a wet or dry mop (this will depend on your climate). Corpses are great for picking up pet hair of all kinds! Believe me, Swiffer's got nothing on a Rotting Cadaver Duster™!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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