Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
My nose fell off and super glue won't hold it on. Should I make an appointment for cosmetic surgery or try to reattach it myself with staples?
-M. Jaxon
Dear M.,
Staples work, but they're only a temporary fix. To get that nose back on your face where it belongs, you'll need plastic surgery. Our esteemed biochemists have come up with a quick and easy, noninvasive technique that produces fabulous results and keeps costs down. Their slogan is: "Better Living-Death Through Miscible Polymer Blends." Thanks to the sheer will, dedication and genius of my colleague Dr. J. Cooté, the team has concocted the perfect substance for sculpting lifelike facial appliances and permanently affixing them to the living dead. You can be wearing your new nose in the time it would take to phone a medical malpractice attorney. At this time, there are only three nasal styles in stock, but if you don't mind waiting, by next month they should have a few more models available. You can simply choose your new proboscis from our full-color catalog and we'll slap it right on your face. You'll walk out with confidence you never had before. So come on in today and pick your nose!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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