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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
Do you have any tips for beating the heat? My face is falling off.
-M. J.
Dear M. J.,
Please see the aforementioned instructions for tile adhesive for your facial blemishes. On warm days, avoid direct sunlight and keep yourself in a cool place at all costs. Be careful, though; a friend of mine crawled into a styrofoam cooler, covered herself in dry ice, and wound up as a delivery for Omaha Steaks. The poor recipient of the package had a fatal heart attack when he opened the cooler. My friend said he was delicious, but his blood was very thick and clotted. Too much red meat, I guess. Anyway, do whatever it takes to stay cool. I recommend staying indoors during daylight hours and only venturing forth after dark. My fellow League members and I like to take a dip at our local reservoir every night in the summer. The water is cold and the chemicals in it keep us fresh. Residents of the city claim the tap water smells as though something has died in it, but I think it's fabulous; I wouldn't change a thing! Hope that helps!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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