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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I'm a werewolf and I want to join the circus. Are there any particular acts I should stay away from? I'm afraid of heights so that eliminates the high wire.
-Max
Dear Max,
This idea of yours is ill-advised, and if you persist on this course, you might as well put a silver bullet through your brain right now. You'll invariably be enlisted for the Dancing Dog act and suffer unimaginable humiliation. If you don't mind shaving your entire body and wearing a tulle skirt and ankle bracelets, be my guest, but you'll be excommunicated from The League's auxiliary organization, The Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Were-Animals. League members (including those belonging to our subsidiaries) are prohibited from obeying the commands of humans under any circumstances. Additionally, the SPCWA contract clearly states that werewolves are expressly forbidden to appear publicly in "drag". If you do so willingly, your membership will be permanently revoked.
I recommend taking some correspondence courses through Spiffy's University of Cyber Space (S.U.C.S.) to find your true calling. Werewolves usually excel in several of our fields of study:
- Howling Frat-boy™ Liaison/Interpreter
- Selenologist
- Respiratory Therapist
- Search and Rescue
- Newspaper and Slipper Retrieval
- Frisbee Golf Pro
Please, Max, reconsider your career options and give us a call today.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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